


maybe there’s no one

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Vomiting, aroace syk!, corpse and toast are amazing towards sykkuno :(, corpse is a wonderfully understanding person, it’s not good i’m sorry, michael and lily mentioned a tiny bit, no beta we die like men, so is toast, sorry - Freeform, though the fluff is mostly drowned out by the angst, v v rushed, we all need people like toast and corpse in our lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27725702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It’s hard enough as it is to go around saying girls don’t, or never will, like you. To go around avoiding questions on crushes like the plague. What is the reason? Sykkuno reasons with himself that this is normal, what he’s feeling is normal. But is it really normal to question ever really having a crush on someone. That’s crazy, of course he’s had crushes before, he’s not insane.
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Sykkuno & Jeremy Wang
Comments: 9
Kudos: 183
Collections: Anonymous





	maybe there’s no one

**Author's Note:**

> this is... admittedly not my best work, and hella hella rushed, but i had this idea floating around my head for a while actually. this is heavily inspired by sykkuno’s catchphrase “girls aren’t into me like that” and a few other things that i’ve picked up on as an aroace person that seems to really check a lot of my boxes as someone who’s aro and/or ace.
> 
> i’m not by any means assuming his sexuality! this is just a headcanon of mine and since sykkuno’s also a hyper fixation of mine, i tend to headcanon a lot harder than other people who aren’t a hyper fixation of mine. i’m sorry if this offends anyone.
> 
> also based off my experiences, and everyone has different experiences and varying levels of attraction when aro and/or ace, so please remember that!
> 
> i have no idea what the offline tv house looks like because i didn’t study it or listen when they were describing it, nor do i know how discord works, but yolo i guess.
> 
> if this writing style seems familiar to you... no it doesn’t ❤️

Sykkuno doesn’t know what he’s feeling.

It’s hard enough as it is to go around saying girls don’t, or never will, like you. To go around avoiding questions on crushes like the plague. What is the reason? Sykkuno reasons with himself that this is normal, what he’s feeling is normal. But is it really normal to question ever really having a crush on someone. That’s crazy, of course he’s had crushes before, he’s not insane.

However, it plagues his mind a lot. Too much. Day in and day out and he can’t seem to figure out the reasoning behind it. He went to Lily and Michael to ask if they knew  _ anything, _ but he was just told that if he’s ever felt butterflies around people, or felt his face heat up around someone, then it’s probably a crush.

But that happens to Sykkuno whenever he meets someone new, and it just happens that he’s shy, right? If this is all true, he’s been in love with everyone and it so happens that it’s  _ not _ his shyness. None of this seems plausible. If so, then his most recent crush must have been Corpse, because everytime someone mentions his name, he gets an instant serotonin boost. When he can hear Corpse’s deep raspy voice filter through his headphones he feels like he needs to get closer to Corpse.

_ Do I have a crush on Corpse? _ Sykkuno asks himself, and yet, he doesn’t know the answer to that question, even though it’s his  _ own feelings _ in question here. He didn’t even know he was attracted to  _ men. _ Is he pansexual? Because wouldn’t that be the best label to describe his crushes on anyone, no matter their sex or gender?

Ok, he thinks he’s got it now.  _ Off to tell Toast, I suppose. _ Sykkuno decides that it’s better he tells Toast about this first, because Toast is the one Sykkuno trusts the best on this.

The journey is a quick trip upstairs to see Toast, who luckily isn’t doing anything but laying on his bed, playing with his phone.

“Toast?” He calls nervously, because it’s always hard to come out to people the first few times, or so he’s heard. It’s Toast though, so he shouldn’t judge him too harshly. “I need to speak to you, it’s something urgent, and please don’t make fun of me.”

Toast pauses his game and sits up in his bed, “Of course Sy, I’d never judge you for anything.”

While Toast jokes around a lot, he’s an amazing person to talk to about serious issues going on. He’s a great comfort, and someone who can cheer you up just with the sound of his laugh. Everyone needs a friend like Toast in their life.

Sykkuno sits down in front of Toast on his bed and he holds out his hands in front of himself. By God is he shaking vigorously.

“Hey,” Toast grabs Sykkuno’s shaking hands and holds them tightly to his own chest, “Don’t be nervous, I promise you that it’s only me, and none of what we talk about here today will leave this room and enter another person’s conscious without you telling them first.”

Sykkuno loves Toast. He’s such an amazing friend to have and Sykkuno couldn’t imagine what it’d be like without a comforting presence like Toast’s as his friend.

“Thank you,” He says, sighing, “I think I’m pansexual. And I think I like Corpse.”

A soft smile settles over Toast’s lips and it calms Sykkuno’s racing heart down. Toast is one of the kindest people alive and Sykkuno just  _ can’t _ express it enough. He’s really glad that Toast accepts him for who he is, but why does he still have this sick feeling settling in his stomach, like he’s going to throw up, like none of this is correct.

“I accept whatever way you choose to identify as. I’m your best friend and that will never change Syk,  _ ever.” _ Toast lowers Sykkuno’s hands, but he’s still holding onto his hands tightly, probably to keep this comforting aura that’s surrounding the both of them, also maybe because Toast isn’t done. “I think you should go after Corpse as well. My psychoanalysis has shown me that Corpse is definitely into you as well.”

Sykkuno laughs at Toast’s choice of words, “Psychoanalysis my bum, but thank you, really.” 

_ Toast really is one hell of a guy,  _ Sykkuno decides, because he’s gone through a lot and Toast has been there for him, no matter what it was and now that he’s come out and Toast has accepted him, it’s a weight that has lifted off of his shoulders.

But something doesn’t feel right to him.

He still feels sickly, like none of this is right and he just can’t shake the feeling off. Talking to Corpse is going to be a real treat for him, if he can’t even tell Toast his sexuality without feeling the need to throw up, despite knowing that Toast will  _ never _ judge Sykkuno for anything at all.

For now, he’ll leave it at pansexuality and get to the other gritty stuff later down the line, preferably with Corpse by his side as his boyfriend too.

“I think I’m going to call Corpse, tell him how I feel.” Toast let’s go of Sykkuno’s hands to give him a clap, and to then pat him on the back.

“That’s my boy! Go get your man!” Sykkuno chuckles. Toast has given him a lot of confidence throughout this talk, and throughout knowing him, and he wouldn’t have been as outgoing as he is now without him by his side. (Even if it’s not  _ that _ outgoing, he’s still managed to make a lot of the friends he has now.)

Sykkuno smiles happily at Toast and gets up, “Thank you,” He says with a smile on his face, “For everything.”

“It’s no problem at all Syk, I’ll always be here for you no matter what it is.” Sykkuno’s smile grows infinitely wider as he takes his leave.

His heart is beating a mile a minute as he slowly makes his way back to his own room to facetime Corpse. He should be up after all. After checking his discord, he can clearly see that yes, Corpse is up and active in discord.

Messages from Corpse arrive in an orderly fashion, and it’s like the universe has told him that he’s meant to confess to him tonight.  _ It’s now or never, _ he decides.

**CORPSE Husband:** hey, you up?

**CORPSE Husband:** you’re probably asleep now, who am i kidding, don’t worry about it Sykkuno :)

**Sykkuno:** hey, yeah, i’m up, something you need?

**CORPSE Husband:** yeah, i guess

**CORPSE Husband:** i just wanted to talk to you

**CORPSE Husband:** i couldn’t sleep, sorry, ignore me

**Sykkuno:** NO it’s fine, i actually wanted to talk to you as well, let’s facetime!

Corpse doesn’t reply, but Sykkuno knows that he must be preparing himself for their facetime. It’s at least five minutes before he gets a call notification from a  _ CORPSE Husband.  _ Sykkuno wanted to wait for Corpse to be ready, because Sykkuno’s always ready to answer a call, or call someone else, but Corpse is probably not.

He accepts the video chat and it’s surprisingly light in Corpse’s room. Sykkuno was expecting it to be a lot darker, admittedly, but it’s not, and Sykkuno can see Corpse really well. He doesn’t have any masks on, so Sykkuno gets a fright, covering his hands over his eyes.

“Hi Corpse!” He chirps.

“Hey Sykkuno,” Corpse says back, gravelly voice seeping through his headphones and to his ears, “You can uncover your eyes, you look funny.”

“Y-you’re sure, r-right?” He chuckles nervously.

“I’m sure. I’m not worried, it’s just you.”

“Oh, o-ok.” He stutters, voice wavering a bit, because he knows that this conversation is coming to an end and he’ll have to confess his feelings towards Corpse and who bloody well knows if Corpse feels the same way for him as well. But for now he uncovers his eyes and he’s definitely taken away by Corpse’s look.

He’s pretty pretty and his breath hitches a bit.

“Is there something wrong?” His voice filters through and he must have heard the shakiness in his voice.

“Yes— no— I mean— ah, sorry.”

“It’s ok, calm down, we have all night.”

“I just… Wanted to tell you something.”

“Fire away.” Corpse says and it makes him even more nervous than before. Again, it’s now or he’ll never be able to do it.

“Ok, uhm, well, I like you Corpse. Romantically, I mean, and uhm, well, I-I’d like for you to be my-my b-boyfriend. If you feel the same way of course!” Sykkuno shouts that last bit and feels bad when he hears a surprised sound come from Corpse’s mouth. “Sorry!” He adds quickly, but a bit more softer than last time.

Corpse doesn’t say anything for a long while, so Sykkuno is staring at Corpse’s blank face and listening to his breaths that come through the headphones.

“I like you too Sykkuno.” He eventually says, voice soft and Sykkuno’s lips bloom into a big smile. “Let’s be boyfriends Sykkuno.”

“Yeah, lets.”

***

It’s been a week since Sykkuno and Corpse had gotten together and Sykkuno still hasn’t even gotten the courage to hold Corpse’s hand. They’re currently sitting on the couch that’s in Corpse’s living room. They’re about a seat away from each other and Corpse has his focus on the TV that’s playing some anime Sykkuno can’t remember the name of.

Sykkuno decides to then scooch over, sitting almost on top of his boyfriend’s lap. Corpse curls his arm around Sykkuno’s shoulder and he gulps, finally deciding to reach for the younger’s hand. He lets him go at his own pace and Sykkuno’s thankful for that, for such a caring boyfriend, even when they’ve done nothing together as a couple, and despite it being only one whole week since they got together.

Sykkuno’s hand connects with Corpse’s and drags it closer to his own body. It’s not as bad as Sykkuno was expecting. He likes it a lot. Corpse’s hand is very pretty, veiny, but soft, giving Sykkuno a sort of comfort. There’s black nail polish that’s slowly been chipped off that’s on his fingernails. Sykkuno likes Corpse’s hand,  _ very very pretty, _ he decides quickly.

“Thank you.” Sykkuno says softly and Corpse turns his head towards the smaller man.

“Hmm?” He hums, “What for?”

“For waiting for me, to be comfortable, you know? I haven’t been the best at PDA, never have and I don’t think I ever will be, but thank you for being patient with me. I like you a lot, Corpse.”  _ That sickly feeling is back again. _

Corpse then takes his arm back from over Sykkuno’s shoulder and holds his other hand.

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Sykkuno, I’ll always be patient with you, no matter what, that’s what a good boyfriend is supposed to be like anyway.”

“O-of course.” Sykkuno stutters, he doesn’t deserve Corpse. He doesn’t deserve the love that Corpse delivers to him, because Sykkuno can’t return that love, no matter how hard he tries, there’s just no getting past the uncomfortableness he feels in this entire situation. There’s no escaping it and Sykkuno wants to throw up, none of this is right. It just isn’t.

“Hey, I see the gears turning in your head, stop that.”

“I-I’m sorry Corpse.” Sykkuno can’t hold the bile that’s swimming around in his stomach and he leans over the couch to throw up the contents of his stomach, which so happened to be the nice lunch he had that Corpse cooked for the both of them.

“Oh dear.” He can hear Corpse sigh, hand rubbing his boyfriend’s back as he continues to throw up.

The nerves were just too much for Sykkuno to deal with and his stomach seemed to agree with his feelings. Corpse’s nice carpet is now ruined because of Sykkuno not being able to deal with his stupid feelings. The tears tumble out of his eyes slowly after, feeling the after affects of all this. Instead of doing anything else, Corpse turns Sykkuno around to wrap him in a big hug.

To which it confuses Sykkuno, because he should be calling him disgusting and yelling at him for ruining his nice, clean carpet. But all he can feel is love radiating from Corpse, but he just can’t return the hug, return the love, because he feels broken inside.

“Y-you should be calling me disgusting,” Sykkuno hiccups, “I’m gross.”

“You’ll never be gross baby,” God, that pet name only makes him feel worse about the whole ordeal, “Vomiting is normal, you’ll be fine. If anything, I’m sorry for not noticing you were sick.”

“I-I’m not sick! Sick in the head yeah! I don’t know what’s wrong with me Corpse, why do I not feel anything towards you. I can’t feel feelings towards anyone! Michael and Lily told me that if I blushed, or felt butterflies around someone then it was probably a crush, and then I decided that I felt it around everyone, leading me to believe that I was pansexual, but I don’t even think that’s right. Maybe it was just shyness all along. Damn, I’m so fucking stupid.” The swear slips easily from Sykkuno’s mouth, and none of what he said had been prepared in his mind before hand. His emotions have been bottled up too much and too long for him to keep it in any longer. None of what he’s explaining even registered in his mind in the first place.

“I’m sorry, Corpse, I’m sick, I’m not normal, there’s nothing normal about not feeling romantically for anyone. I don’t even know if  _ this _ is right, or I’m slipping complete bullshit in front of you. I’m fucked, I’m sorry.”

Sykkuno gets up from his boyfriend’s embrace. That word doesn’t even sound right to him anymore, not in his conscious at least. “I-I think we should break up.”

And Sykkuno bolts. He sprints to the door and he just runs. He doesn’t care where he ends up, or how he looks to possible bystanders, he just needs to run.

It’s unfortunate though, because he just ends up back at the Offline TV house, and he wanted to be anywhere but here, but his feet decided he needs to be here, so he runs up and into Toast’s room, where he hopefully isn’t streaming. It comes as a big relief to know that he isn’t streaming and is just sleeping in his bed peacefully. Too bad Sykkuno’s about to ruin that peacefulness for him.

“T-Toast.” He hiccups, crashing into Toast’s bed, not caring that much for the sleeping man. It’s not like Toast will mind anyway.

***

Sykkuno has managed to avoid Corpse for a whole week.

His last encounter with Corpse put him out of commission for a bit, telling everyone else he was just sick - but Toast knew. Toast knew the true effect that all of this had on Sykkuno and he kept it low to not let the others find out what’s really going on in Sykkuno’s life.

Truth be told though, Sykkuno only told Toast that he broke up with Corpse after a bit of an argument, telling Toast not to talk to Corpse about due to the embarrassment he’d feel because of it.

Sykkuno wasn’t just lazing around though. He made an effort to go searching for any possibilities or explanations on why or how he might be feeling this way. After a couple of days of deep digging, he managed to stumble across an important website. Two terms that resonated with him were on that website.  _ Aromantic  _ and  _ Asexual. _ They were two often intertwined sexualites and attractions, but were ultimately their own beings.

While he was a bit unsure of asexuality, (that’ll come later), he was very sure of aromanticism. It clicked in his head like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. Man did this feel good. He flips back to Lily and Michael’s words… he was shy, that was the reason. And the reason he couldn’t distinguish love from anything platonic was because he himself never truly got the idea of love. It’s a new found knowledge, all of… this, and has Sykkuno almost squealing in delight. Now to just… explain this to Toast and then ultimately Corpse.

First, he should talk to Toast.

He takes his sweet time getting to Toast’s room as his mulls over what he’s about to say to Toast. He ultimately knows that his best friend wouldn’t judge him for anything. Labels change, after all.

“Toast?” He knocks on his door before entering, finding Toast doing a jigsaw puzzle.  _ How fitting. _

Toast looks up from what he’s doing and waves Sykkuno over to where he is. “What’s up?” He asks as soon as Sykkuno takes a seat.

“I wanted to say something rather important.”

“Of course.”

“I lied. About my sexuality and what happened with Corpse and I. I-I’m actually aromantic, which means I haven’t felt romantic feelings for anyone. I might be asexual, but I can’t be sure yet, which is not feeling sexual attraction to anyone.” Getting that out feels like a breath of fresh air.  _ This _ feels better.  _ This _ feels right.

“And that’s ok, I don’t hate you any less if that’s what you’re implying.”

Sykkuno lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in and smiles towards Toast. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me Sykkuno. Whatever happened with you and Corpse, I think now is a perfect time, now that you understand yourself that little bit better. And I'm sure he’ll understand! He’s an understanding and caring person, he could never hate you.”

Sykkuno nods, thanking Toast one again before making his way back to his own room and opening his discord chat with Corpse that he hasn’t opened in a week. That last message is a sad one and Sykkuno wishes he wasn’t such a fucking coward.

**CORPSE Husband:** ok, i’m sorry sykkuno, i hope you feel better soon :)

It breaks his heart because it sounds so sad coming from Corpse’s message. He immediately calls Corpse, pressing the audio button instead of the facetime button.

Corpse picks up impossibly fast and immediately starts spewing apologies out like it’s nothing. It’s honestly overwhelming Sykkuno more than anything, so Sykkuno tries to calm down the rapping man on the other side of the phone. 

“Corpse, please calm down. It’s not your fault and I’m going to need you to listen until I’m finished speaking.”

“O-ok.”

“The reason I feel this way… it’s because I’m aromantic. Which means I don’t feel romantic attraction to anyone. There’s different variations of what aromanticism means to someone, but to me, it means I’ve never liked anyone and I never will. It also means that all of this… romantic stuff… is gross go me, so I don’t think that relationships are really my thing. There’s a thing called a QPR, a queerplatonic relationship, but I don’t think that’s for me either. I might be asexual too, which is not feeling sexual attraction, but I’m still unsure about it.”

Corpse doesn’t say anything for a bit after Sykkuno’s revelation. When he does though, it brings Sykkuno to tears.

“It’s completely fine Sykkuno. I hope you know that I’m so fucking happy you’ve figured yourself out. It’s not easy.”

“You’re not… upset?”

“No, God no, I could never be upset with you Sykkuno. I will always put your feelings above my own, but I just hope you know that you aren’t sick in the head for not “fitting in”. It’s not your fault that this world was made entirely to revolve around love and sex and I’m proud of you for working through this. You being comfortable is the only thing I care about. My feelings are insignificant to yours.”

“Don’t say that Corpse, your feelings are just as valid as mine, but I just want to say sorry. I’ll be a better Sykkuno who’s going to always be your best friend, no matter what happens in life.”

God, it’s been a journey, but Sykkuno’s figured it out. He has Toast and Corpse to help when he feels low too, but he ultimately knows that this was meant to happen in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> abrupt ending? idc. this story bad? yes. sorry if you expected more, or something more descriptive. but i wrote this is the span of a couple of hours and it’s now 3am. i am NOT revisiting this piece. i just wanted to write this and share for the little amount of people this would appeal to. even then, it doesn’t take away from that fact that it’s very rushed, but it made me comforted, and that’s all that matters i guess 😙✌🏻
> 
> yell at me please


End file.
